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As I Reflect Back....

As I reflect back on the past year I can see the progress I have made and
the gratitude I have for this wonderful program and all the "special people" I have met.

On Jan. 13. I put down the drink and drug. But I did not surrender to this disease till Jan. 30.1999.
Thats when I came back to the rooms of A.A. to learn how to live life on lifes terms and to work on me.
I was unemployed when I came back( I thank God today ) So I went to alot of meetings.
I did a 90&90, got a sponcer and started to work steps.
I had so much fear when I walked back in that first day, a year ago
But that was the first step .I went in sat down and raised my hand found some
words and in a shaking studdering voice admitted I was an alcoholic.
That I was just coming back after a 5 year run , having had 6 years dry.( I say dry as I never got sober just stayed miserable and dry)

FEAR was so overwhelming and I wanted to stay inside behind closed doors. I was depressed. Was afraid to be alone with me. So when I was not at a meeting my son (Kris 15 ) found a FOBW chat room on the internet .Thank God! When not at a meeting I spent hours, days in chat. Learning about people and seeing I was not so unique. There were others all over the world who felt like me, who suffered as I did. It was easier for me to open myself up in this chat room. I found acouple : "Special People": who had what I wanted and I stuck with them . I took the subjestions they offered me, started reading the Big Book.( it is one of my favorite books today) ...listened and became teachable I think for the first time in my life.

My fears are not so great today. I have worked on a 4th and 5th step. I am involved in my home group. Attend as many meetings my health allows me to.Talk to others more openly, freely today. ( my sponcer says I never stop talkin now )I am happy inside where I never thought possible. Not that my life has gottin easier..or my health better.. but.... I have grown inside,, found some peace with me, I ask my HP for help and put my Will in the hands of Gods today. I thank God every morning and night for another day.
I am very Grateful today that I was givin another chance at Life. I found in this past year ..".emotions."... I never felt them..allowed them to show. Today I can cry for joy and sadness. I can hug people today and be hugged. I have learned how to smile thats what I call progress for this gal !. I have a lot of work still to do..but ..I,m not that same frightened insecure person I was a year ago..thanks to A.A and the "special people " I have met." One Dat At A Time.."

this page is to all my special angels ..u know who u all are :)
The butterflies are for you L.K. thank you..I,m learning to fly...

DS 2000 1/30 Health & Wellness Friends of Bill W.